I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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