so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
