My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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