ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
