Soap is not a condiment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
