I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
