His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
