life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
