Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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