it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
