u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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