Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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