Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize