So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
