I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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