So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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