You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
