Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
