I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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