Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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