you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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