It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
