Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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