even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
