Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
