I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
