I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
