OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
