What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
