You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
