I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
