I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
