You're my little dorito
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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