Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
