Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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