i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
