You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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