so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
