I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
