I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
