Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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