im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
