If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
