dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize