I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
