Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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