This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
