Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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