i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
