whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
