I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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