Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
