make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
