i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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