...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
