I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
