I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
