I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize