Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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