You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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