My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
