I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
