he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
