i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
