Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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