The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
