Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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