i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
