Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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