I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
