So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
